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Friday 6th April 2012
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On Our iPod

Golden Grrrls - New Pop 7”

Chris Devotion & The Expectations - Amalgamation & Capital (album)

Trailer Trash Tracys - Ester (album)

Throwing Up - Mother Knows Best 7”

Howling Wolf - Complete Chess Masters 1951-60

The Ketamines - A Rotten Bond/1 Yr (from Oddbox Singles Club Pt 2)

Cardinal - Hymns (album)

Proper Ornaments - Taking the Gamble Out of Buying 12”

Darren Hayman - January Songs (album)

Various: Marshall Teller EP 12”

Latest Forum Posts

Vented Spleen

Dead Whingers Society

Article written by Johnnie C - May 4, 2005

Scene 13 � The Rector�s Office, St Xenolith the Pure, Boarding School of Music

The Rector

THE RECTOR IS SEATED IN A LEATHER CHAIR BEHIND A GIANT MAHOGANY DESK.

The Deputy

ENTER THE DEPUTY, A TROUBLED LOOK UPON HIS FACE.

THE RECTOR PEERS AT HIM OVER HIS SPECTACLES AND THE DEPUTY SHEEPISHLY ADVANCES TO THE RECTOR�S DESK.

DEPUTY: Rector, please forgive my intrusion.

RECTOR : Your expression and general demeanour don�t inspire me with confidence. I take it that I am not expected to be delighted by your forthcoming revelation?

DEPUTY: Well, Sir, regretfully, I have some, erm, grave news, erm...

RECTOR: Out with it, Deputy!

DEPUTY: Unfortunately, I have it on good authority from the head boy; I�m afraid, Sir, that, in spite of all our best efforts, there have been� subversive sounds heard in the night.

RECTOR: Subversive sounds? What sort of sounds?

DEPUTY: They were described to me as, if you please, Sir.. (gulps) the faint whingeings of Fishjumpery...

RECTOR: (Rising from seat) WHAT?

DEPUTY: I�m truly sorry, Sir. I was assured that the last exponents had been quashed.

RECTOR: Are you telling me that here, in St Xenolith the Pure, this venerable establishment, in this fine institution, in this monument to musical excellence, we are harbouring Fishjumpers?

DEPUTY: I do understand it was only the one, Sir.

RECTOR: (Angrily) ONE? How many does it take to start a cult, Deputy? I will NOT TOLERATE singer-songwriters in this school. (More calmly) Are there any immediate suspects?

DEPUTY: Only among the younger boys; those who have obviously remained secretly loyal to the late Master Gray, Sir.

RECTOR: And are these "younger boys" aware of the fate that befell Master Gray, Deputy?

DEPUTY: I think it is common knowledge amongst the boys, Sir.

RECTOR: You think? Then you had better ensure that is the case. I want it whispered throughout the corridors and dormitories so that anyone with the slightest intention of inflicting this sort of pain and pestilence on the school�s reputation will be in no doubt as to the consequences.

DEPUTY: As you wish, Sir. I will instigate a full and thorough search of the dormitories at once.

RECTOR: See that you do. I want this nipped in the bud, Deputy. Bland is not, and never will be, the new punk, is that clear? If you discover so much as a G-string from an acoustic guitar, I want you to garrotte the owner with it. Is that understood?

DEPUTY: (Gulping hard) Perfectly, Rector.

DEPUTY EXITS

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