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The death of rock ‘n roll. The obituary’s been written countless times. But the shadowy figures appearing at more and more gigs may well be the heralds of its final demise. They’re old - but that’s not the problem (just as well given the tooth length of many writing here). Rock music might once have been a young person’s game, but its attraction to the old is just an inevitable change – not its death knell. No, the killer is who these people are. They’re the band’s parents.
Just to be clear, this is not necessarily lamenting to the likes of the Mystery Jets, who count parents amongst the band. That’s just one of those endearing wrinkles (one of those endearing wrinklies?) that can keep things interesting. The more gruesome and chilling truth is that being in a band – even a gurning, grunting death metal band - has become an acceptable extra-curricular activity for the comfortable. It’s right there with tennis lessons, ballet and chess club. Your average parent is now more likely to see it as a potential addition to a CV than an evil waste of time and potential. They come in their designated-driver people-carrier-loads to glow and approve. How did it come to this?
Of course, the Fear went some time ago – the punks don’t just have kids, they have grandkids. The chances of their children producing something more dissonant and disturbing than they used to bop happily around to are virtually nil. And frankly, gig going is just too nice nowadays. Smoking’s disappearing, bottles are plastic (and get put in bins). Times are less antisocial (often even the band can be in bed by 11:30 on a school night). Merely exchanging a cross word with a fellow punter is enough to make someone feel they’ve had a bad night. Long gone are the days when going home with a bruised jaw and a pocketful of piss constituted a lucky escape.
Should we just knuckle down to our role as consumers of our ever more commodified pastime? Do we have to? Or should we make ourselves, and the little bastards in the bands, suffer a bit more for the privilege of a life with music? A few ideas for starters:
• Drugs tests for bands – no illegal substances in your blood, no gig.
• Compulsory smoking and an end to noise restrictions in venues – if you’re not prepared to risk disease and deafness for yourself (or your little darling) you’re out.
• New gig times. Not later. Oh no, that would be too easy. Gigs only to be held during the school/work day. You’ve got to skive to play live.
• No car transport - you can only come in if you prove you came on the bus. There is nothing many of these people fear more than being made to use public transport.
Extreme? Maybe. But think of this in ten years time when you realise that the music scene you once loved is little more than a stamp collecting convention...
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