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Top 5 quotes from The Thick Of It's Malcom Tucker

5) You hit the phones, right? I'll be with you in two shakes of a crying baby.

4) What's up with you? You look like you've shat a Lego garage.

3) [to Olly] Feet off the furniture you Oxbridge twat, you're not on a punt now.

2) If you do think about running with this pill story, I'll personally fucking eviscerate you, right? I mean, I don't have your education, I don't know what that means. But I'll start by ripping your cock off and I'll busk it from there. OK?

1) Tucker's Law: "If some cunt can fuck something up that cunt will pick the worst fucking time to fucking fuck up because that cunt's a cunt!" I've go that embroidered on a tea-towel at home!

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Curmudgeonly Rock 'n' Roll time traveller from ye olden days

2nd verse same as the 1st...

Cracking top 5 thread. Amazing how you can make a top 5 without my two personal favourite Tucker moments/quotes:

"Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off"

And when he opens the birthday cake that's been sent to him which has 'Happy Birthday Cunt' written on it in icing and he turns around and says "Well this could be from anybody".

Sheer comic genius.

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Looks like Elijah Wood. Supports Liverpool. Likes Coldplay.

Way too many to choose from but I'd definitely have:

1. Right, I’m off to wipe my arse on a photo of Nick Robinson…I’m getting good at giving him a wee quiff.

2. (describing Star Wars) the one about the fucking hairdresser, the space hairdresser and the cowboy….the guy’s got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin…his father’s a robot and he’s fucked his fucking sister…LEGO! They’re all made of fucking Lego.

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Putting the pip in pop since the late 70s

"Out of my way, you fucking human mooncup."

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Tall, moustachioed alcoholic - plays firewood with a bow.