Somebody was describing on another forum the guests they had last weekend. The pair (a couple) turned up late. The lad then broke a chair by swinging on it but rather than show remorse for the host's furniture, he just laughed it off. They then went out and returned with a bottle of whisky as an apology. Fair enough, the host thought. He took a swig of it and spat it right out again. It literally tasted of piss. "Where did you get this from?" he asked the lad. "A tramp" was the reply. Finally he got them into a cab on the Sunday and ran them to the station. Upon pulling up he turned to say "Here you are" and faced the pair on the back seat, with the girl giving the lad a blowjob...
My personal worst house guest was a mate from Manchester who stayed over one Saturday night when I only had a one bed flat. We were both trolleyed but as per usual he'd had that extra pint and slipped over the edge. My girlfriend was in bed and could hear us stumbling around and laughing and wasn't best pleased as it was about 1am. I made his sofa bed (which he then somehow managed to fall down the back off into the mechanism). I rescued him from that and left him to go into the bathroom and I crashed out. A minute later I heard smashing in the bathroom. A pottery object of sentimental value to the gf had been destroyed. I placated her and we then fell asleep. Next day I wandered into the lounge and asked my mate if he wanted a cup of tea. I noticed a towel folded up at the bottom of the sofa bed and went to pick it up. He jumped to and ran naked with it into the bathroom. Cue much splashing and tap running. He then came out and asked if he could put it straight into the washing machine. Basically he'd wiped his arse with it the night before because he couldn't find the light switch and had lost the bog roll in his floundering around...
Another story... mates had a heavy drinker chum over. Following morning they got up to find he'd gone. Strange they thought... They then found a trail of poo that led to the bathroom... in the sink was a pair of old school creme piping scuddies caked in cack...
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