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If Ian Curtis had lived, and enjoyed the ale…

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And Maidstone Un1ted got promoted to the Ryman Premier...ei-ei-eio up the football league we go

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I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck...or I did last time I checked.

No tears shed in my house for dirty Leeds going down. It'll be an unpleasant wake up for places like Cheltenham, Yeovil and Hartlepool to have the scum of West Yorkshire invading them next season.

Fun day all round, really. Dirty Leeds down (6 - SIX - minutes injury time?), United win the title thanks to (a) an "own goal" by Phil Neville (the look of mock dismay on his face afterwards was priceless) and (b) the brilliant rule that says teams aren't allowed to field their best goalies against United. Meanwhile, at the top of the Championship all the teams seemed to have struck a deal to really piss off Derby fans - Birmingham, 2-1 down vrs WBA, come back to win 3-2; Sunderland, 2-1 down vrs Burnley, come back to win 3-2 and then, yesterday, Birmingham don't even start playing until they're down to 10 men vrs in-form Sheffield Wednesday and then run out 2-0 winners.

Oh, and let's not forget West Ham's best performance of the season. By their lawyers. "Yeah, we lied. And then we lied again. But if you dock us points then next season won't start until 2025."

Still, if it helps Wigan go down then the end will justify the means.

dont worry about us, we'll get relegated still

What have you got against the pie chomping lardies of Plucky Little Wiggun, Cap'n?*



*Actually I agree. They've bought their way to the top table. When Whelan waddles off their gates will tumble back to 4000 or whatever as they return to their derbies against Bury, Rochdale and Stockport.

micky droy

Trevor Hockey



Bob Latchford

Frank Lampard Snr

And, this weekend of all weekends, we should not forget Alan Ball:

Er, that's not Alan Ball and I don't think Bally ever had a beard. Have you just downloaded a dodgy copy of Paint Shop Pro but not got any instructions on how to use it?

Sigh.